As you pulled the stem through the last of your brand-new silicone wine charms, you couldn’t help but think back to previous parties and shudder. Remember the one before wine charms? By the end of the night you felt like James Bond, wandering around the house saying, “Glass. My glass.” and neatly snatching your wine out of the mistaken guest’s grasp. Then came the wine charms. So cute, so delicate. So small. You spent the night with your reading glasses on, helping tipsy guests decipher the charm, “No, it’s a fish, not a turtle. The turtle is Jim’s. Yes, it could be a whale, but it’s not. Think Finding Dory, ok?!”, and by night’s end you were cross-eyed and had developed a tic. Yes, a tic. Because every single time one of those charms clinked against the glass (and there were a LOT of clinks), you swore the cat was about to knock something over and you spun around to catch her.

Exhaustion doesn’t describe that night, and not only did you toss the charms, but you ripped the bell off the cat’s collar pdq, and her silent, nightly attacks on your ankles immediately stopped. Interesting.

You looked back down at the dozen glasses, each decked with a blessedly silent flower, stem wrapped around the wine glass and poking back through the center of the flower. There was no way they were going to slip off (thankfully, since you hadn’t lost Connery’s accent for a week after the Bond-like incident), and the flowers were delightfully large, so the reading glasses were safe in their case. Even the tipsiest of guest could figure out that a big blue flower was not a round pink one.

Oh, and these charms came with a fun perk: they make wonderful electrical and computer cord ties! Instead of a jumbled mass of, well, wires, instead it looked as if lovely vines of flowers were snaking around the room. You were the envy of all your friends! Ok, so only Marta, but she really, really wants you to tell her where you got them, and so far, you’re keeping mum.

Silence is golden, you know.


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